FREEDOM MASK: WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

What’s a freedom mask?

Is it the expression on a prisoner’s face on the way out of jail?

The look married people have after the final decree is signed?

Or is it a blue four-ply square with pleats that comes with loops that fit behind your ears?

Since I’ve never been to jail overnight, just a few educational visits with my dad, I imagine getting out is a pretty good day.

And I’ve never been divorced, so don’t listen to me about that. Though people seem pretty revved up about dumping their ball and chain in every gender configuration.

Because of my narrow perspective, I’m going with the blue square, and here’s why.

It’s related to the two-bag date joke. Remember that?

Two people go out on a date, things warm up and the woman breaks out two bags.

Why two bags?

“It’s not because you’re ugly,” she says. “But if you wear a bag over your head it would make me feel better.”

“But why two bags?”

“I need to wear one in case yours falls off.”

Call it a Freedom Bag. Hilarity ensues.

Freedom Masks Do The Same Work

Since I’m not experienced enough to know what prison release from a long sentence feels like, or worldly enough to know what escaping a toxic marriage feels like, the blue square is my symbol of freedom.

Free from what, you ask?

Call it a measure of freedom that the sludge pile of humanity passing by won’t spew virus with a heavy exhale from the effort of living their best life.

It’s freedom from continual worry about super idiots at super-spreader rallies against mask mandates.

Look at the top image again and tell me if this is your crew? Check out google images of anti-mask protest signs.

Is that your crew?

In the top image does the guy on left think he needs to stick a mask up his butt? How about the guy on the right with his take on Covid mutating into communism.

Does he look like a student of comparative economic systems? Or that he even made his own sign?

What do they look like? From here it’s two, “What’re you looking at,” guys

They look like they will be a problem in the local ICU on the way out.

Why Freedom Masks Matter Now

Your boy here has had a few brushes with the hospital. I’ll say that here so you know about the experience in case you’ve been left out.

When you go to the hospital you meet people with your personal health in mind.

They are called nurses. If you have an opinion on nurses as bedpan jockeys, take it from a former bedpan jockey:

You’re wrong.

The hospital is their domain. Some of them have been at it for decades, some are at the beginning of a long career helping people. And none of them want any part of your medical opinion punctuated with bullshit.

See, getting messed up enough to be admitted to a hospital is different than picking up a prepared sign at the dumb shit rally to promote views that could lead to a miserable death.

I’m not talking about guys like the two in the image, but people who get caught up in slogans and screaming with underlying conditions they might know about.

Imagine joining that crew, doing the mask protest march with your sign, then meeting up afterwards to listen to an old duffer talk about sticking it to the libs, about F The Man, about their mission.

And you feel the power of the moment so much that you cozy up for a face to face gloat on how snowflakes melt, how sheep follow, how the group is winning ‘The War.’

Dear A-hole,

It’s not a war, and if it was you’d be bearing a Hell No We Won’t Go sign, just like the chicken-hawks sending other people’s kids out to die.

And now you’re spewing virus loads in the old man’s face to celebrate your win, except it’s his last win because the old fire breather inhales your load.

Then he’s feeling a little off while listening to rebroadcasts of dead right wing radio stars ranting against mask mandates and vaccines.

Soon he get a little feverish, shortness of breath, loses his sense of taste and smell, followed by headaches, sore throat, and the runs for starters.

Then it gets worse.

Later, at the next dumb-shit rally, you hear he died from covid.

Or the geezer’s at the next rally and wonders where you are?

The freedom mask don’t mean a thing when you’re dead.

Not. One. Thing.

Why not wear a mask and stick around for the next prompted protest. After all, you’re not a sheep, a commie, or a snowflake.

Stick around and share your views, don’t take the easy way out, hardcore.

Stay strong. Freedom Mask strong and vaccine strong.

You can do it, freedom lover.