FIRE CONTROL: HOW NOT TO BURN DOWN THE HOUSE

Fire control is not this man’s strong point.

Not mine or my neighbor’s either.

Two out of the three of us caught things on fire, and this guy’s next.

If you see a portable flamethrower and think like I did: ‘I’m going to burn all of the weeds out of the walkway.’

Don’t do it, especially on a hot, dry, day.

But if you must persist, keep a hose nearby with the water turned on.

Why? Because torching weeds in gravel create little embers that can blow into a flower bed dominated by evergreen shrubbery.

You might have a motherlode or dry pine needles full of pitch.

If those catch fire, it roars and climbs into anything hanging over the garden bed, like lilac trees next to the house.

And, if you recently had the house painted, well good for you, firebug.

Fire Control, Pt2

If you have old siding on your house, this torch could catch it on fire.

I asked my neighbor why he was replacing siding on a corner of his place.

He said something about burning his house down and thought he was talking about me.

But no, he’d had a similar experience with glowing embers that went even further.

His fire prompted him to redo all of his siding.

2

The neighbors across the street are the only ones to set something on fire bad enough to call the fire department.

The rest of us are still rank amateurs compared to them, but we’re closing the gap with the new tools.

That torch may say safe and easy to use on the package, but it goes out of control fast, so take precautions.

I recommend not using this:

It’s too dangerous for the average moron.

The other problem is it’s too much fun to harness the power of flame and apply it to where you want.

Just be careful using that power. If you don’t understand fire control, just put it down and walk away.

The Wrong Fire, The Wrong Place

At my local park a chain saw artist hired by the city created several pieces of work depicting wild animals and nature.

Recently, someone with a wild hair decided to add their own touches.

They built a fire to burn down a carved stump.

Help me make sense of this, because it looks like straight up vandalism.

What’s the statement? The message?

“I know how to start a fire?” Is that it?

Before starting a fire, review fire control.

Check the surroundings and remove extra fuel.

Have fire suppression tools at hand.

If it all checks out, call it good.

Leave the flamethrower home. Don’t deface art.

Take a knee and pulls those weeds.

You’ll feel better after that than you will after you burn the house down.

I won a third grade fire prevention award with this poem:

There once was a boy named Patches

Who laughed when he played with matches,

His laughed turned to a frown

When he burned his house down,

And now he as nothing but ashes.

Follow me for more award winning fire control poetry.