FAMILY PROTECTION ADVICE FROM A DADDY

Family protection comes down to two things:

Threat, and perceived threat.

Both trigger a need.

Let’s start with threat:

During a long drive through the American Southwest with wife and kids we stopped everywhere to look at canyons.

There are more out there besides Zion and Bryce.

The four of us were getting in the car at one stop when the rain began and got harder and harder.

Since I’m from Oregon I know rain, but this was more than a rain storm.

I started the car, put on the windshield wipers. But they couldn’t clear the rain.

So I decided to wait it out. The rain increased, pounding down like it was poured from a bucket.

I looked out the driver’s side window and saw water rising on the road. Red water.

Red water? I needed a plan.

My brain went from ‘wait it out’ to ‘flash flood.’ But I couldn’t see the road in front of me.

I needed to do some family protection to avoid being the star in the headline news, “Family Of Four Swept Away In Avoidable Accident.”

This was a threat? Or was I a clueless tourist overreacting?

A Family Protection Plan: Drive On

I figured, once I got married and had kids, that if anyone needed to lay their life down for a wife and kids, mine were worthy.

Call me an enabler? I’m a big enabler. I wanted to enable the three people with me to enjoy their lives.

Me? I enjoyed keeping them safe.

It’s what daddies do, or are supposed to do.

So I picked a spot on the the roadside as a guide and put my soccer-mom van into drive.

This was a road without the edge line like Oregon roads to keep you from driving off a coastal cliff in the foggy rain.

Maybe this was the first time it rained so hard in Utah? Now there are road edge lines? Probably not on either count.

I focused on the edge of the road and moved out slow, real slow.

Harder rain, less visibility, and I was a sitting duck for some jack-wad speeding out of danger.

The water on the road rose more as I creeped along. Speed up or slow down?

Flash flood in the making.

Then the road took a turn, the rain eased up, clouds cleared, and suddenly it was a bright day like it had been an hour earlier.

It takes a moment to feel a perceived threat move to ‘yikes, we’re in a tight spot,’ and do something.

Did anyone else in the car feel the same or did I stay calm and carry on?

Perceived Threat Of Shit Talk

Not too long ago I got a request to return a family heirloom to its rightful owner.

Was I a thief? No, I don’t think so because I received the object in good faith.

It had belonged to my Dad and his Dad, now I was the Dad with plans to pass it down to my sons.

The request came from a family member with a twisted bug up their ass.

I explained the situation like this:

“It’s a dude thing, see, like it belongs to the dudes who will never change their name to anything different. Women get married and change their names.

Since it’s a name thing, I’m giving to a name person like my kid.

If a marriage ends in divorce things get lost and I don’t want this ending up in some former husband’s sock drawer or a case in a hock-shop.”

The return I got on my explanation didn’t do justice to the educational achievement of the bug man.

Instead of the measured response you might expect from someone holding graduate school degrees, they did an impression of a little bitch whining about being wronged in such an unfair, unjust, and unacceptable way.

Then they went on and on recounting every wrong I’ve ever done in their mind.

I gave an update on my wrong doings that have all turned out right.

Their rant reminded me of a statement they made about gun ownership and a concealed carry permit: “No shit is going down on my watch.”

How many people do you know who feel the same way? They’ve empowered themselves with a ‘watch?’

2

This is the kind of shit talk that irks me.

Self-appointed dipshits gives themself the duty to watch over things without ever standing a watch anywhere.

No Fire Watch, no Perimeter Watch, nothing, but of course they know the drill.

All baby boomers who grew up watching Combat and Gallant Men know the drill. They didn’t need to go to Vietnam or join the Army to know more about the military than the people who served.

This is why gun laws are important. Sad failures can always buy some camo gear, boots, and weapons to play Army with.

Why not put a set of tactical testicles in the sack for good measure?

The Best Protection For Family

When you have a problem to solve, break out the problem solving skills.

Like identifying materials that make things like wood and metal and fabric, start with the basics.

For example, if the problem is shit talking, ask the shit talker if they’re okay, then ask them to stop.

If they say, “I’m not shit talking, I’m trying to help.”

Tell them they’re not helping, that you’ll ask for help if you need it.

If it continues, congratulations. You are in a family.

Now you need family protection?

Take your time. Make some phone calls. Avoid possible conflict. Tell others how you feel.

Or, you might use the moment to reflect on everything and everyone who’s done you wrong and blame one person.

If that person happens to be a baby boomer all the better.

This path works best for people who have never had a long term relationship, never been married, never had kids, never been a mother in-law, never been a grandparent.

Family protection is a delicate balance. Threats and perceived threats need separation. Otherwise you risk blowing everything up.

Ask me how I know.