FAMILY MATTERS MORE WITH DOUBLE MAGIC

Family matters more when the group starts shrinking.

I know the story of a couple who immigrated to America with their little boy.

Then they had a baby girl who grew up in Los Angeles.

Like all the smart kids in school she moved to Oregon and married a local.

This is where I come in.

I married the heck out of her and we started a new family.

Two kids later we found ourselves living in the suburbs instead of an urban center.

That was her idea since she didn’t want her kids in the same sort of environment she was raised in.

With two children we found ourselves surrounded by more kids and parents and games and schools.

Call it a typical life.

We raised them to be good people instead of science projects, which could have happened because momma is scientific.

No mini-Hercules, no restricted diet, no HGH.

Instead, we kept an eye on them and made corrections on the fly.

It was the best of times and the worst of times . . . for them.

Momma grew up under an LAX flight path; daddy grew up where Coos Bay was the big city but North Bend was the center of the universe with an airport.

Between the two of us we kept things moving forward in suburbia.

How do four people exist in a three bedroom, one bath, single car garage ranch?

If it seems impossible, inconvenient, and awkward you’d be correct if it were four other people.

With the right crew it’s a fun adventure.

Immigrant Dad Went Back One Time

My wife’s mom took her back to England a few times.

Her dad went once.

Why not every time?

He said his relatives still talked about the same things they did when he left.

But did they really?

I’ve been twice, once with wife and kids, once with wife.

The talk was the usual life activities talk, which sounded like family matters to them.

If I had heard them all my life I might have a different opinion, but I liked them.

Maybe her dad was a little distracted and didn’t focus on his family the way I do mine?

Maybe. If that’s the story then his kids could blame him for the way they turned out.

One does, one doesn’t.

I kept a hawk-eye on my kids. I got criticized for too much involvement but didn’t change.

When family matters enough there’s never too much involvement.

I see my adult kids in that light and encourage them to be too involved also.

Family Matters Going Forward

If it’s good to be too involved as parents, what about as grandparents?

Those are the grandparents who forgot how much they wanted to avoid the criticism of their own parents.

“Don’t fawn over your kids.”

“Don’t give in to them every time.”

“Make them understand the value of hard work.”

I fawned, gave in, and jumped up to do things they could have done.

Why?

Kids are only kids for a short time in the macro sense of time passing.

Why not give them a break and let them ease into the work that needs to be done in family matters.

As adults they can figure out if they want a clean house, a mowed yard, clean laundry before they get married.

Once you get married you’ll find prerequisites. To support the institution you need to work together.

If not, prepare for complaining.

“Nothing ever gets done.”

“He’s lazy.”

“I’ve asked him for help and he’s always too busy.”

2

In my single life I lived in places I wouldn’t take my wife if I’d had one, places I’d never think to get married and raise a family.

Apartments in Philadelphia and New York weren’t family places, though there were families living nearby.

It wasn’t the sort of family life I’d seen, but I would have adapted.

When I say Philadelphia and New York apartments I’m not talking about some two story motel looking building on the outskirts of town.

My places were located in the gritty part of the city with a subway stop a couple of blocks away.

I didn’t have a car and it was the perfect excuse to not go anywhere.

If I got invited out: “I’d love to go but I’m stuck in town. Give me a call when you get back and tell me all about it.”

I still make up excuses to avoid things, which isn’t always received well.

The sure way to get me out is cornering me with a time crunch.

“If we go now we avoid the traffic.”

“You had a good time last time, let’s go.”

My Hall of Fame moment:

My friend Mark called and asked if I wanted to drive up to the Gorge Amphitheater for the Foo Fighters.

Thinking I’d have time to weasel out of it I said, “Yes, when is the show?”

Mark: Tomorrow. I’m on the road in my RV and I’ll pick you up in two hours.

3

My kids came up with: “So now we know how to make him go someplace. Don’t leave any weasel time.”

Busted by my own kids because family matters.

It matters more with each new G on the way.

The current G is for Gender Reveal which is three years to the day from the last one.

We call it Double Magic.