EMPATHY ADDICTION: IT HURTS WHEN I FEEL

Is empathy addiction a call to action every time you feel something so intensely you have to do something?

“That could’ve been me; I’ll make sure it never happens again.”

Or, does sympathy rule the moment?

“Oh, that’s so sad, but it’s part of life.”

Empathy Addiction Feels Everything

Taking sides, empathy vs sympathy, plays the get out of jail card.

“Somebody should do something to help; I can’t do anything. I’m just one person. Come on, what do you want me to do? Huh?”

Credit given for recognizing something wrong when it’s wrong. What about credit for seeing something is wrong, but giving the situation the benefit of the doubt?

Malcolm Gladwell calls the idea of giving ‘benefit of doubt’ a default to truth in his new book Talking To Strangers.

For blogger accuracy, Mr. Gladwell refers to a study that coined ‘Default To Truth.’

Empathy addiction believes and feels everything; that’s their special power, their truth, their default. They can’t just let things go, walk past, give prayers and thoughts; they act, one way or the other, and if you disagree, well, you can’t disagree if you see the same things.

What If You Disagree

1.

I walked by a scene of urban violence and felt for the person getting punched out. So I intervened and got punched out instead, stopped a beating with face.

I interfered because it happened in the neighborhood where I lived. I didn’t have a backyard, so I couldn’t claim NIMBY status, but I had a street.

2.

When my boys started playing youth sports they had coaches with something to prove about themselves. Then they had me.

Regarding sports, I’ve got things to prove, but not by grinding and berating third graders so much they never play another game of anything. My schtick was learning what motivated the team, which drills matched their skills, then turning them loose like wild animals with good sportsmanship on game day.

3.

The job of a writer, something I’ve done even before winning the Academy Award red bowling pin for scriptwriting in high school drama class, is empathy. That’s the job. Don’t take my word for it, though.

“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.” 
― Walt Whitman

(Whitman tended the wounded during the Civil War.)

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
― Ernest Hemingway

(Hemingway tended the wounded in WWI.)

“If that’s the best you can do, maybe there’s a better place to do it than here.”

― David Gillaspie

(I was an Army Medic and tended civil servants in Philadelphia, so I’m good company with Walt and Ern?)

The book I’m wrapping up needs more empathy, less self pity, but I’m going with my strengths and balance both.

If you’ve got time, drop an instance of empathy you’ve seen, felt, or done in comments. I promise I won’t steal it . . . but if I do, I’ll ask permission first.