CORONAVIRUS SAFETY: PSA FOR THE VIGILANT

A boomerpdx fan asked about Coronavirus safety, and how this platform could help.

“Have you written a Public Service Announcement on Coronavirus safety,” he asked.

I said I had not; he said I should. I agreed.

Here are a few Coronavirus safety ideas to pass around.

First, for Men:

Guys, it’s just us talking here. Apparently this hand washing idea has revealed some uncomfortable truths: not everyone washes their hands after using the bathroom.

If you are a good hand washer, what’s it mean that others are not? More than likely, you’ll pick up traces of them when they use the bathroom.

Traces of what, exactly?

Who wants traces of someone’s filth? I lift weights in a public gym. Men leave the floor, use the dressing room toilet, and return without washing up. Gross, right? And maybe deadly in the current coronavirus environment.

So they go back to the floor and grip on machines and weights, the same stuff everyone else uses. Initially, all they spread was whatever they collected on their d-hand, (which is short for ‘dick hand’ since I write a polite blog here.)

A good coronavirus safety reminder is WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS before leaving the bathroom.

You won’t hear this extra part anywhere else:

WASH YOUR HANDS before you get down to business in the bathroom. If you don’t have clean hands before you get to the zipper, or buttons, you transfer everything to your penis, everything you’ve touched since the last time you washed your hands.

Screwdriver sweat? Golf club perspiration? Toilet plunger splash back? Gutter cleaning scum? Engine grease? Dipstick oil? Raw chicken blood?

If you don’t wash your hands before taking a pee, it all ends up on you penis; if you don’t wash up afterwards, the whole mess gets mixed into a sheen of dick cheese and lands on the next hand you shake, the next back you pat, the next cheek you pinch.

And that’s before Coronavirus safety started

Wash your hands, then wash them again. Wash your hands until they get dry and cracked, then lotion up. Do you know about hand lotion? Have a favorite? If not, ask the next woman you see about hand lotion and she’ll examine your hands before making a few recommendations.

If you believe taking care of your feet maintains the right connection to the surface of the earth, then you find the right shoes for the right time and place.

The same idea applies to taking care of our hands. I met an Iraq veteran recently, who said he was part of a mortar company. He looked like the kind of guy you’d want handling a mortar in Iraq.

He was locked in for a career run when he had an accident; he crippled his hand by putting it through a glass table top. Don’t ask me how, because I didn’t ask him. A year later he had an awkward grip to go with an increasing contracture of his hand, and an honorable discharge.

Don’t Touch Your Face

For every tickle, itch, eyelash, or bug, let it ride. Don’t flick, rub, scratch, or pick your face.

What to do if you see your reflection and notice a huge honker hanging out of your nose? Wait it out until you’re safe. Sure, you might get a new name from your friends, names like Booger Boy, Snot Locker Boy, Nose Picker Boy. If you don’t touch your face you won’t be called Coronavirus Boy.

SO, DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE.

I sat next to my dad during my teen years and noticed a scar I’d never seen. I asked him about. He answered with:

“We were at the rifle range qualifying before Korea. I was in the prone position when a fly landed on my cheek. My Marine Corps Drill Instructor saw me flick the fly, and pounced.

“He asked if I liked touching my face, if I’d like to touch it again. He told me to touch my face, rub my face where the fly had been. Then he said, “Scratch your face.” So I scratched my face. “Do it harder. Harder. Scratch your face until it bleeds,” he said.

“I scratched my face until the DI said to stop, then returned my hand to rifle I was shooting. The blood dripping off of my hand got on my rifle and the DI started screaming about defacing government property. He was talking about me and my rifle. We were both government property. And that’s how I got this scar.”

Elegance And Grace

A lady ran into her neighbor at their communal mailbox.

Lady 1: How is the coronavirus news in your life.

Lady 2: Oh, we just now returned from Cabo. You know, Cabo. It was a beautiful.

Lady 1: Was it full?

Lady 2: Oh, the flight was packed. And so was our resort.

Lady 1: Weren’t you worried about the coronavirus.

Lady 2: Not at all. We don’t go to those kind of places. Ours was upscale and beautiful.

Lady 1: I don’t think a virus knows the difference.

Lady 2: And there you are. We all have to die of something.

Think Of Others for Coronavirus Safety

Young people infecting young people? They all get better.

Old people infecting old people? Some are more likely to die than an infected young person.

The problem occurs when young people infect older people.

Why?

“Younger people have more social interactions. There’s more transmission amongst them. Most people are infectious before they are symptomatic.”

 (via Hansel Tookes, public-health physician at University of Miami’s medical school)

If you didn’t know, now you know.