COLIN COWHERD IN PORTLAND

When a man moves from east coast to west, two things happen. One if you’re Colin Cowherd.

I am a fan of sports talk radio. Why? Because there’s no place in all of media that plays voices from all over America.

Mostly man voices, and it was mostly men who attended Colin Cowherd’s book signing at Powell’s in downtown Portland.

Colin Cowherd is a NW guy, actually Washington, who moved around while moving up the ranks of sports talk star.

He came to Portland last week pushing his second book. He worked local television here before making the big jump to ESPN and a national audience.

Ten years of east coast living was enough, so he left for LA and Fox Sports.

Isn’t there a song about moving to the west coast?

A Billy Joel song? Here it is:

Got a call from an old friend
We used to be real close
Said he couldn’t go on the American way
Closed the shop, sold the house
Bought a ticket to the West Coast
Now he gives them a stand-up routine in L.A.

Now Colin Cowherd gives them his routine, and it’s good.

Tuesday night he sounded like a cross between Woody Allen and Jerry Seinfeld. He had the sing song, high low, voice modulation down to a craft.

He had his ‘aw shucks’ honed to perfection.

Seemed like a good guy in his rusty LA tan and pastel pullover. This is the man looking to jump over Dan Patrick, Jim Rome, and the other big dogs of sports talk radio.

And he will. Here’s why: He’s got no problem peddling to the most volatile audience in America, the 18-26 year old male. He said as much.

He loves sticking it to what he calls the ‘young sparkies.’ He works them and they don’t know they’re falling for his bait.

When he asked the audience if anyone ever saw him on television, three quarters of the hands went up. They love Colin, that hate Colin, they can’t get enough Colin.

And he can’t get enough of them. He talked about his emotion with, “I get emotional talking about…”

He mentioned his new wife, “Oh yeah, she’s gorgeous.”

About Fox Sports vs ESPN: “One is a smaller boat with maneuverability. The other is a huge ocean liner.”

This is a man at 50 working to max out the remaining years of top earning power. It’s a common theme, especially after seeing bad retirement stories in the news.

Young men see him and want to be him. Colin Cowherd leaves the door open. Come on in.

I hope it goes well in LA, where he’s writing a screenplay. He knows people who do the sort of things LA does, like make movies.

No worries about getting tagged for changing wives in LA. He got that done in Connecticut.

No problem meeting people in LA. Everyone’s from some place else and as needy as the newest arrival.

The biggest problem will be staying ahead of the curve as the years stack up. Botox, man-make up, hair plugs, staying tight without elastic surgery.

With Colin Cowherd you’ve got someone who’ll do whatever it takes to stay up. Woody Allen still makes movies when some fans think he ought to get the Roman Polanski treatment. Jerry Seinfeld still does comedy when some fans pine for his television show.

Mr. Cowherd didn’t show up in the Greyhound station waiting for someone to discover him. He arrived with a show ready to roll.

LA is perfect for him. When the NFL finally shows up, he’ll be ready.

If not, Jim Croce can help:

Operator, well could you help me place this call?
See, the number on the matchbook is old and faded
She’s living in L. A. with my best old ex-friend Ray
A guy she said she knew well and sometimes hated

Isn’t that the way they say it goes?
Well, let’s forget all that
And give me the number if you can find it
So I can call just to tell ’em I’m fine and to show
I’ve overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convince myself
That it just wasn’t real
But that’s not the way it feels