BULLIES AND BITCHES: BORN THAT WAY?

image via scienceillustrated.com.au

Genetics no excuse for bullies and bitches.

Some time ago in the Baby Boomer fog of age, like grade school in the mid-60’s at Bangor Elementary, voted the cool school by all former Bearcats, bullies and bitches came in all shapes and sizes.

Turns out the time of day also mattered for them. A kid might be a bully in the morning, a little bitch in the afternoon.

This was way before men called other men bitches and got away with it, so my friends and I didn’t actually call one kid a bitch. But looking back, he was a good definition.

Maybe it’s a good time to define both terms.

Bully: a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.

Bitch: a person who allows themselves to be harmed or intimidated when they could stop it.

(I made up the bitch definition to keep the link between bullies and bitches strong.)

Like all grade school buddies, we walked by each others’ house on the way to school, arriving in a group. Sometimes two, sometimes more.

Since it was a small town with a growing population not all roads went through. The trail we walked to school is a road now.

Back then it was the woods, a nature walk before classes and recess and lunch and recess with more class time in between. A small part of the walk crossed private property.

Instead of a charging dog, we got yelled at, a get off my yard blast, for walking the dirt edge of a dirt yard.

It was a kid’s voice, a bully’s voice, hurtful and mean to delicate ears.

That wasn’t the bad part.

In the afternoon the kid came out to fight if you walked on his yard. It became something to look forward to.

If you grew up with a big brother you have an idea of what happens in a fight. You know there’s no shame in playing dead, but you need to fight back a little. And defend yourself. Play dead if nothing else works.

That was my home strategy, not a strategy outside. I was friends with kids my age who were oldest in their families and youngest. I was the only middle kid, the only big brother with a big brother.

We all approached the afternoon fight differently.

One walked the dirt edge and pushed the kid out of the way each time he stepped forward with his fist cocked.

Another took the long away around.

Another baited the kid until he swung, then slugged him to the ground.

Every time was different from the last and no one ganged up.

The bullies and bitches changed roles.

You might push one kid down, then go home where you get pushed down. It was a pecking order and life lesson all in one.

A pecking order means patience. You wait your turn, stand up when called. Will you treat others better than you’ve been treated, or drop the hammer? You never know until you have the choice.

Chances are good you’ve been bullied, or felt bullied. Either way it still hurts when you think about it.

If this is you, it doesn’t mean you’re living the victim, or little bitch, lifestyle, but it’s a comfort zone you’ve leaned on.

If you’ve been bullied and spent more than four decades figuring it out, try giving it a rest.

One way to work through the bully stuff is remembering when you were the bully, even the slightest bully. If you’ve shooshed someone in the library, you’ve been a bully.

No one wants to admit being a bully, but if you’ve ever played sports you’ve bullied. Competition has bullying at it’s roots.

“I’m better than you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Get out the chess board, bitch.”

Think of it in degrees. You may have been beat down, kicked around, with no where to turn until you discovered a way to express your bully-self without immediate consequence.

You’re an adult, full grown, and you’ve found an outlet appropriate for adults.

Politics and voting. And since it’s a Presidential election year it’s hard to avoid the urge to bully one party or the other.

The BoomerPdx political recommendation is follow the bully from the top of the ticket to the big down-ticket races.

It’s competition, it’s bullying at it’s finest, a time to choose who pushes you down and who lifts you up.

So? Who is it?