BREAKING POINT REACHED. THEN WHAT?

Everyone has a breaking point, so let’s get past the tough guy act.

Even if you have to fish around to find a break, you will find it. Or someone else will find it.

You should want to find it sooner than later.

A good example of a breaking point is mumps and measles: as a child we tolerate them, as adults not so much.

Johns Hopkins explains:

Complications of mumps happen more often among adults than children, and may include:

• Meningitis or encephalitis. Inflammation of the membrane that covers the brain and spinal cord or inflammation of the brain.
• Orchitis. Inflammation of one or both testicles.
• Mastitis. Inflammation of breast tissue.
• Parotitis. Inflammation of one or both parotid glands. 
• Oophoritis. Inflammation of one or both ovaries.
• Pancreatitis. Inflammation of the pancreas.
• Deafness

Inflammation runs wild with mumps. These look like the sort of complications that might reach a breaking point fast.

Water on the brain AND inflamed testicles? Call me overly sensitive, but that sounds like a deal breaker if I ever heard one. And how would I even hear it with mumps deafened ears?

Thanks mumps.

If you made it to adulthood without any complications from childhood diseases, no scars from picking at measles and chicken pox, good job.

Thank your parents.

Emotional Breaking Points In Adults

A physical break is one thing. We heal over time and look back in shock and awe that we even survived.

But we do. From broken bones to cuts and scratches we heal up just fine. Usually.

There may be emotional elements after the healing, but without physical reminders like missing limbs, memories fade.

Emotions are a different story. The scars seem to stick around when someone does someone wrong.

People who are happy and cheerful default to permanently injured status when they talk about their painful past.

They’ve gotten over it, then over it, then over it every time it comes up. They remind their audience that they’ve gotten over it, then tell a story that says no one gets over the things they lived through.

One lady explained it like this:

“My husband was a very successful man. We traveled together when he was invited to conferences to present findings in his field. We had grand vacations, wonderful children, a big house. Throughout our marriage he had affairs with office staff, his friends’ wives, and who ever crossed his path.

“I eventually found a sweet man, a married man, and we both agreed to divorce our spouses and live together. I divorced my husband, he decided not to divorce his wife. I’m not sure which was worse, a man who couldn’t control himself, or a man who couldn’t make up his mind.”

She looked and sounded defeated in the telling.

A Marriage Breaking Point

Another lady explained it like this:

“My husband had a very busy life compared to my friends’ husbands. When they told me he was having affairs I brushed it off as jealousy. I didn’t believe it. They said it because it made their husbands look better.

“When I finally found out it was true I was floored. He’d had affairs. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t deny it any longer.”

She looked and sounded defeated in the telling, too.

2

This lady had a different story:

“I married a good man, a provider, a pillar in the community. But he was a bastard in the house, very controlling and questioning and suspicious. We had a son before we broke up. I just couldn’t take the accusations and hectoring any longer.

“My son grew up to he just like his father, which is a surprised because his father couldn’t stand him. That was one of the reasons for divorce. He treated us poorly and brought other women around. I think it ruined my son.”

These are the sort of things that leave emotional scars, the sort that changes lives. And not for the better.

Emotional Breaking Point

Self-centered men in gray flannel suits have breaking points, but they would never admit it.

Therapy? For who? Not them.

In our culture men are expected to be tough. Carson Wentz is an NFL quarterback, a tough position, and one of the most important in sports.

He talked about mental health recently and it’s very refreshing.

There’s a longstanding stigma attached to mental health challenges — toughen up, quit bitching, act like a man — that keeps players from reporting, or even recognizing, the severity of symptoms of mental health concerns.

I’ve been fortunate to have people in my life when things are going south or I’m struggling, to have an honest conversation, to refocus and reframe my mindset,” he said. “I think that’s so important for everybody, but especially in the NFL with all the pressures and all the things that get thrown at us, it’s definitely been acceptable.

“It’s encouraging for people to see that, you know, us big strong football players can be vulnerable,” he added, “can be real people that go through real stuff and that it’s OK to say ‘I’m struggling.’”

I like the public nature of Carson’s mental health talk.

It’s okay to say “I’m struggling.”

Does it matter who you say it to? Yes, if you want help. Say to the guy on the next bar stool over and you’d better hope he’s a therapist. Otherwise you might get some sketchy return.

Professionals know how to help, how to make a difference when it matters most. That’s what they do instead of listening, cutting you off, and telling you about their problems.

More than a ‘there, there’ conversation, the pros add a helpful spot at the end.

If Carson had asked for help from a Philadelphia Eagles fan he might get, “You’re struggling because you can’t stay healthy, you’re a bad teammate, and you can’t win. You should be struggling.”

Now he’s struggling in Indianapolis with a new team that has struggled with quarterbacks from Johnny Unitas to Andrew Luck.

From a mental health point of view, Wentz is an all-star, but he’s judged by different metrics in the NFL which stands for the National Football League.

The other name is Not For Long, which is the shadow most players work under.

Stay well. I’m listening. And writing.