BOOMERPDX HOLIDAY SAFETY TIPS

From Christmas to New Years use these BoomerPDX holiday safety tips.

1 – The top image shows big wood in the shape of five quarter oak, 5/4, the stuff used for staircases.

About eight inches tall and forty five inches wide, it’s the perfect material for carving your name and hanging it inside or out.

Wood like this remains hundreds of years after it’s made when historians find it and suspect it’s important.

Who would take the time and find the wood if it wasn’t important.

Thusly, it makes the perfect gift. And not only for Gillaspies.

Creating such artwork comes with risks associated with chisels sharpened on a diamond stone, a router with a variety of blades, and sanding devices.

In other words you’ve got all it takes to draw blood, which makes it an even better present. Most people only draw blood crashing the Black Friday sales.

2 – Food storage is an important part of Christmas. Nothing like left overs from a meal that made you promise never to eat yourself into a food-coma again.

If you put the most delicious food ever made in a glass bowl with a design ring near the top, don’t cap it with a plate. Use one of those floppy tops that look like a flower with a bud in the center as a handle.

If you do use a plate it will get stuck and never come out, but you don’t know this right away.

So there’s the large bowl of Chinese food calling your name from behind clear glass with a big plate cover, the sort of plate from the 60’s not made anymore because they’re unbreakable.

UNBREAKABLE? This is a good thing for boomerpdx holiday safety tips.

First heat up everything in the microwave and pound the plate edge with a knuckle. You’re safe because the plate is unbreakable.

It doesn’t work, so put the bowl in hot water to expand it and release the top plate.

That doesn’t work either. Go outside and find a piece of wood and a hammer. Put the wood on the edge of the plate and whack it.

Nothing? What it again. Did you remember safety goggles?

If not, the next whack shatters the plate in your face with an explosion of shards meant to blind you. You’re lucky if one didn’t hit an eye.

Now you’re standing barefoot in an ocean of broken glass. Don’t lift a foot. Slide your feet toward a broom and clear a path.

Sweep everything up and throw it away. Chinese food and glass shards do not a tasty treat make. Take a moment to cuss the nice glass bowl while you wash it out and put in the Goodwill pile.

3 – In less than ten minutes check the bowl. The plate is broken, the food ruined, and it’s all in the trash.

Check on the bowl and you’ll find it shattered too, exploding like the boiled glass marble you soaked in cold water. Crystallized.

The thing threw glass so far you could’ve tossed on the cement and made less mess.

While cleaning up this pile of dread, don’t use your bare hand as a scooper. Glass shards will stick and stay until you notice the red stuff.

If you didn’t bleed on the wooden carving, rub some on it for good luck.

Follow these easy BoomerPDX holiday safety tips and you won’t be blinded, lose a finger, or cut your feet to shreds. You’ll just bleed a little, not a lot.

Sound like a Merry Christmas?