BOOMER STEREOTYPES TO TOSS IN 2024

Baby boomer stereotypes didn’t start with, “Okay, boomer.”

Far from it.

They didn’t start with Woodstock either, my groovy dudes.

Wherever they started, let’s try and give it a rest.

Right after this:

Are baby boomers all republicans?

Or do they just look like republicans when the men get a high and tight haircut and put on a sport coat?

Hey look, it’s Kevin McCarthy.

Or when they don’t get a haircut and let their beards grow?

Hey look, it’s a redneck hillbilly racist.

Or when they grow it out like Forrest Gump during his running days?

Hey look, another old hippie burnout who took the brown acid.

Everyone has a label for things, people, and places.

Some call it communication, some call it boomer stereotypes.

Label a tar-pit a tar-pit and you know not to step in it.

Call molten rock Hot Lava and you’d better run if it’s coming your way.

Call, regard, or categorize, someone who looks different than you in a negative way and suddenly they’re not the problem.

Then what is the problem, because it’s surely not you?

But it is you, and every fucker like you who has a good laugh at struggling people, a willingness to suspend disbelief outside the movie house, and an overwhelming need for a father figure to fill the gaps your own negligent daddy couldn’t fill.

 

The Boomer Stereotypes Of Bitterness

There’s old Billy Joe.

He lived through the free-love Sixties, the free-love Seventies, and free-love Eighties and couldn’t get laid.

Then he got married and barely had a chance after the kids.

This is more likely than the boomer stereotypes of the hippie-guru farmers leading ‘their people’ back to the land.

Billy Joe didn’t stand on the side of the nearest highway with his thumb out and a piece of cardboard with S.F. magic markered on it.

Instead, he stayed in town and listened to Merle.

The years passed, as they do, spinning faster and faster, and everyone got old.

Some people seemed to change. Even Merle got a little long and shaggy.

Not old Billy Joe.

“Why change if there’s nothing wrong?”

 

What’s Wrong With Boomer Stereotypes

People get disappointed and hurt when they see a Kevin McCathy-looking jackass and start sharing their common beliefs.

“This next year is when we make up for the stolen election of 2020. What a joke. We had a vision for 2020.”

 

The misidentified boomer says:

“Your vision is still cloudy. Why don’t you save your Fox News talking point shit for your Fox News friends for fuck’s sake. Stolen election from a guy who didn’t know how to do the job, had never held an elected office, and brought with him all of the suck-ups who needed a new host? That guy?

His vision was clear during covid, in Finland, and in the Oval Office. With him in there it was rechristened the Offal Office when his staff offered their entrails.”

 

There’s more disappointment when a normal American hears:

“Did you get lost and wander out of your holler? Did your daughter ask to borrow the car when your son had it?”

That’s no good for anyone.

 

New Year, New You

The thing about New Years is it feels like you’re aging two years for every one.

It’s your birthday, AND, New Years?

So close together? And your birthday is in June.

However you keep time, tap your foot to the rhythm of being good enough to step away from stupid.

You don’t have to be a Greek God of tolerance.

Just know your loved ones still give a damn whether you think they do or not.

Even if you know they don’t, they do because you still give a damn about them.

That’s the New You in the New Year, a bundle of optimism.

If that’s not you too, there’s still time.

And there’s this:

Put on your Crossing Guard vest and a good hat and go out for a drink, a snack, a walk.

Listen to the people you’re with.

Say something vaguely nice to them; don’t get carried away.

If you like them well enough to spend time with them, and want to spend more time, they’ll figure it out.

The rest is up to you to figure out. You’ve got one year.

Starting now.

Or Tuesday, but you need a warm-up.