BOOMER PARENTS: HOW KIDS LEAVE A MARK

A peppy forty-nine year old single man was feeling down, feeling the holiday blues. I did what boomer parents do, I butted in; it’s an auto-response.

He said he lived too far away from relatives to visit family and make it all better.

I could feel his sadness, so I tried to talk him back to his normal, sassy, self.

Me – Lots of people get depressed over Christmas. Try and think of it as prime date time. What’s better than two seasonally depressed people trying to cheer each other up?

Him – I haven’t thought of it that way.

Me – It’s the perfect time of year to meet someone new. First off, you know it won’t last. One of you will snap out of the depression before the other and start to feel the drag. So you break up.

Him – I’ve got a girlfriend.

Me – Perfect. Is she depressed like you? If she is you can pull each other through the hard time. Build new memories.

Him – She’s my fiancé and she’ll be in the country next year. We’re getting married.

Me – Married, eh? After you get married you won’t have time to be depressed with kids and school and events. You won’t be as busy as boomer parents and their helicopter habits. How old are you?

Him – Forty-nine, and we’re not having kids. I’ve said I’d never have kids.

Me – You probably used to say you’d never get married, right?

Him – I did.

Me – Kids will save you from doing stupid kid things as an adult. You won’t want to screw up if the kids are watching. Getting married does the same thing. Wive’s remember things way too long.

Him – I’ve been single for twenty-two years. Some women see that as a red flag.

Boomer Parents Explained

Me – That is a red flag. Most guys your age are trailing ex-wives and step-kids and alimony, tuition, debt, bankruptcy, re-hab, the whole nine yards. Women marrying the typical middle-aged man can expect knocks on the door from people they’ve never heard of who call themselves family.

Him – Never thought of that.

Me – But, you don’t have any of that, and you’re the red flag? Please. You won’t have to check your bags because you don’t have any baggage. That’s an achievement worth celebrating.

Him – You think so?

Me – Yes, I do. I had a singles run for thirteen years, from eighteen until I got married at thirty-one. Probably a shorter run because I dated my wife a few years before we got married. We started packing the boomer parents baggage. Then we had two kids, a dog, a house, a station wagon, then a van. That’s the blueprint of happiness right there.

Him –

Me – And don’t think about missing any graduations from pre-school, grade school, middle school, high school, college. Mix in parent – teacher meetings, games, events, volunteering in the classroom, meeting their friends, meeting their friends’ parents. It’s called life, my brother, and you’re about to get a full dose.

Him – I’ve waited a long time to get married.

Me – So what? You get married late, have kids, then die and get out of the way so they can spend your money without you looking over their shoulder.

Him – That could happen?

Me – You are forty-nine. You’re following the George Clooney method. He got married when he was around fifty-three, had kids when he was fifty-six or so. He’ll be an old man sooner than you, except he won’t get old.

Him – Because he’s a movie star?

Me – No, because he got married, had kids, and loves his family. Do that and you never get old. How old do you think I am?

Him – Maybe fifty-five?

Me – (Winks at camera) That’s right, I love my wife and kids so much I’m aging in reverse. I’m sixty-five. Just had a birthday along with a party for the ages.

Him – Really?

Me – It started as a Soup – Party where everyone brings soup. I had seven crockpots plugged in around my kitchen island. But first, everyone got a drink. We had beer in every variety, famous wine, and gin or vodka for the real tankers. Then the soup and goodies. After the food slowed down, we tuned up guitars and played a few songs.

Him – Do you play?

Me – I’ve got a guitar, and I know people with guitars. We all played.

Him – Sounds fun.

Me – Fun time for a lifetime. And it’s all because I got married and had kids. Otherwise I’d be just another sad sack wondering how life passed them by. Know what I mean?

Him – (Walks away) Ok, boomer.

Me – You’re welcome.