BOOMERPDX DIET TIP

Five things to stop eating? Or zero? That’s A BoomerPdx Diet Tip.

via keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

Why stop eating anything?

White bread, white rice, pasta.

Sugar and cream.

Stop eating that? Too controversial.

Food is nutritional, cultural, and historical. Bread means farming and baking and delivery.

You know, society.

Stop eating bread? Too uncivilized.

How about only eating rough milled, free roaming, organic bread crusts rolled in seeds instead of huge tortillas and french bread sammies, taco chips and pork renderings, pitas and egg rolls.

I love the gargantuan burrito and the loaded foot long for convenience and international solidarity, but too much is still too much. My Latin readers will have to forgive me on this one.

You can see the ad already:

“Crust: The Best Choice.”

Nothing leaks through. It never breaks.

Yummy.

They’re special because there’s only two in each loaf.

How do you supply an uptick in break crusts without tossing the rest of the loaf?

You’ll need a steady source. That means living with more people who eat lots of bread.

Create your own cult based on crust.

The Crusties. With a Crust King.

You take it from there.

Eat less CRAP and watch the changes. But stop altogether?

Boomer, please. This is Portland. That’s too much to ask.

Pass the sushi, please.