BEER WRITING IS ABOUT DESTINATION BEER? NOT ALWAYS

Beer writing is about the new, the bold, the best beers on the market.

It’s citrus beer, fresh hop beer, hazy and low-cal beer.

From first beer to last beer, destination beer is still king.

Go out for a new beer and you’ll get more than you bargained for if your destination is Kalama, Washington and McMenamin’s.

Since I was the designated driver I ordered ice tea. Besides, I’m close to a local McMenamin’s where I live, so I have a good idea of what’s on tap, which is a comfort.

You could say I’ve done my research by drinking beer in about twenty-eight McMenamin locations.

Give or take.

What I brought back from Kalama:

Beer memories, I brought back beer memories. Beer writing is also about memories.

The first beer I tasted, my first beer tasting event, was sitting beside my dad drinking a can of Olympia while he tied fishing flies at the kitchen table.

It took my eight year old face a week to unwind after that sour taste of what was called beer. My dad grew up in Washington so Olympia was a go-to for him.

Part of the ad campaign for Olympia beer was, “It’s The Water.” The joke later was, ‘If they knew it was the water, why didn’t they do something about it?’

The Oregon competition to early Washington was Blitz Weinhard.

That was the name on the half-rack box of beer I watched one of my older brother’s friends hide in the woods near our house.

Like any decent little brother, I waited for them to leave then snuck out the back door and moved the half case of Blitz to a new spot. Hey Jerry.

That same weekend I called a couple for the cool kids and we drank up and walked downtown. Since then I’ve always had a certain sympathy for kids so loaded they had to hang onto the Gino’s Pizza pole on Virginia Street.

That was the same parking lot a couple of years later where a drunk kid in the passenger seat of a Volkswagen bus vomited out the window and into the open window of a lower Volkswagen bug that drove up to say hello. Hey Bart.

Eventually everyone grew up and learned to handle themselves better.

No Beer Writing Flashbacks From Kalama?

Stroll into most McMenamin properties and you’ll feel a sixties vibe.

You won’t see the Furry Freak Brothers, or Fat Freddy’s Cat, or the Zigzag Man, but from the looks of things they just left.

Everything has a little bit of freaky, even the pipes.

There’s no beer flashback, but something is flashing.

Was it a sugar cube flashback, a small window pane, a piece of blotter paper, a purple micro-dot?

If you say no, try and explain this:

Old time trippers can relate to the Kalama Lodge?

The fourth floor has a blue light that signals a secret room behind a hidden door in the hallway.

It’s the sort of black light room freaky teenagers decorated in the late Sixties to retreat to, grow long hair, read underground comics, and try and score a three-finger lid.

The same room showed up in college students’ shared housing where they could all tune in and turn on without mom and dad knocking on the door. They could drop acid and get spooked, and give Big Daddy the controls to land safely.

This was one of the images in the hidden room, along with a soundtrack featuring the Grateful Dead’s Ripple.

You who choose to lead must follow
But if you fall, you fall alone
If you should stand, then who’s to guide you?
If I knew the way I would take you home

I went, I saw, and I took us home without falling.

Who guided? My wife. She knew the way, she always knows the way.

She stands and asks people to get vaccinated and wear a mask. Do it for McMenamin’s, do it for The Dead, do it for the flashback memories triggered by good times.

Step inside the secret room for extra motivation, because if you get covid sick and die who’s going to tell your stories?

Who’s going to tell your Jan. 6 story?

“Do you know what we did on Jan. 6? We didn’t storm the Capitol because some verified bullshitter said to. Besides, we’re not insurrectionists. It’s a bad idea. Better to protect voting rights.”

Would Jerry agree?