ALTERNATIVE FACTS FROM B TO Y

What is the first face you see when you hear Alternative Facts?

Colonel Jessup in cover-up mode?

Probably not.

That’s Jack Nicholson acting up a storm, a furious storm, right before he found himself handled by guards and escorted to jail for his cover-up role.

So where did alternative facts come from?

Tell me if you agree with this:

When faced with a horrible reality we make shit up.

Then we face the horrible reality at the last moment like it’s a big surprise.

 

Or?

 

Or you tell your story and you’re sticking to it.

Now go play fetch with your alternative dog and see how it goes.

Who’s a good boy?

 

Save Your Alternative Breath

Did I tell you about the time I fought The Duke in a cage match and won?

No?

Because it didn’t happen. But if it did, I’d take him down and he’d tap out.

Don’t want to hit Johnny in his money-maker face.

 

 

Alternative facts are what the public wants to hear?

Makes sense to me.

How else to explain the tsunami of bullshit that washed across our television screens with these fine people?

But, dear readers, what is it?

This is Santa and his favorite alternative reindeer.

This is what happens to kids if they don’t do proper oral hygiene.

As an alternative dentist, I prescribe a retainer.

Little Johnny needs some attention.

Santa needs Rudolf.

What do shit-talkers need?

 

The Alternative Facts Audience Profile

It’s important to believe in a higher power.

If you believe in the Lord, you’re still the king of your castle, and God gives you The Power.

The question is, do you have the power to read and understand the Bible, the word of God, or do you hand power to some hack politician or skeevy proselytizer to explain it to you?

Do you have the ability to see science at work and understand the origins of things like geology?

 

This is one mountain range sending a dck pic to another mountain range.

Or it’s a rock formation.

Which one is it?

Don’t answer too fast. Maybe ask someone to be sure.

 

That’s Joe Friday from Dragnet.

He and his partner Bill Gannon patrolled LA to keep the city safe.

Their police work set the standard for training departments across America.

Or they were in a television show. I forget which.

 

Non-Alternative Facts For Everyday Fun

These are my two buddies, Oppy and Les, hanging out in Los Alamos.

We were discussing nuclear fission.

This is their work shown in a local museum.

This is me running with a bomb on my ass.

Run boy run.

That’s the face you have when you realize you can’t outrun a nuclear bomb.

 

What’s the face of learning how much a nuclear bomb costs?

 

A federal military spending bill includes $4.6 billion to fund the lab in the fiscal year 2023, up from $4.3 billion in 2022.

Those numbers are both higher than the lab’s 2021 budget of $4 billion.

 

 

The numbers are smaller at the other end.

 

The average Los Alamos National Laboratory salary ranges from approximately $58,853 per year for Material Specialist to $172,000 per year for Engineering Program Manager. Average Los Alamos National Laboratory hourly pay ranges from approximately $13.46 per hour for Office Administrator to $34.66 per hour for Graduate Researcher.

 

The Future Of Alternative Facts

Let’s start with the basics of life.

This is a picture of a baby and a turkey.

The turkey is on the left, just to be sure.

For this blogger, the baby needs a world of facts, not alternative facts.

Baby needs help, as all babies do.

They don’t need some quacky charlatan kook filling the air with their “Look at me, over here, no, over here, now I’m over here.”

Baby needs you to look at them, but they don’t say a thing.

We need to have the good sense to know what baby needs, not what some jack-wad who has never nurtured anything thinks they need.

What do they need most of all? I’ll tell you and you can say you read it on a blog so your friends will be impressed:

Baby needs a Mom and Dad who know the difference between fact and fiction, the difference between shit and shinola.

The big difference between parents and alternative facts parents?

Who would you like watching your kid?