Adult friendship is a balancing act.
They are either too friendly, or distant.
Too enthusiastic, or remote.
And it’s always ‘them?’
Ok, boomer.
Wife: Have you called your friends lately? Oh, that’s right, you don’t have any friends.
Hubs: Isn’t that an odd way to start a conversation, if that’s what you’re doing?
Wife: I was just wondering if . . .
Hubs: If I’d go with you to hang out with your friends?
Wife: People need friends.
Hubs: I agree, people need friends, but my friends are more like family.
Wife: You never call your family.
Hubs: So I’m right on schedule.
Wife: My friends have husbands who have friends. It’s not like it’s a weird thing.
Hubs: I’ve met them. They seem like fine people.
Wife: Who you don’t want to spend time with.
Hubs: Who I don’t spend time with, not that I don’t want to.
Wife: Then why don’t you?
A History Of Adult Friendship
I’ve never hung up on friends because they annoy me.
Chances are you haven’t either. That’s not what friends do.
And I’ve never waved anyone off because, “I don’t have time for your bullshit,” or there’s embarrassing drama in the house.
But it happens. It’s happened to me. Then what?
What I like to tell people is keep tabs on your emotions. Friendship is different than paid counseling.
First, it’s not fee-based. Good friends know how to listen.
If you meet someone and they act like a good listener? That’s nice. It’s a start.
Then what?
I said hello to an older guy in the local guitar store. He was testing out a new instrument and sounded good.
That’s what I told him, “You sound good.” I also told him I missed by guitar buddy.
I didn’t light a lighter or slow clap, but he was fast, precise, and kept a beat.
Then he offered me the guitar to play. I declined. Graciously. Why?
Because I wasn’t warmed up. Playing a guitar is a process of introducing fingers to strings on certain frets.
It takes about ten minutes to dial it in.
I don’t need more evidence that everybody plays better than me because I don’t warm up.
Besides, what really happens when you meet someone in a guitar store?
Recruiting happens. There are lots of baby boomer guitar players yearning to be in a band.
I get that. It’s a bonding experience, and so much more.
Musical Adult Friendship
Hubs: I met a guy in the guitar room.
Wife: Did you invite him over to your guitar room?
Hubs: What?
Wife: Are you going to make a play date?
Normal question here. If you meet someone you like, make plans to get together.
The last time I did that I ended up married for thirty-six years going on thirty-seven.
But this was a music thing; it’s different.
The difference is inviting strangers to the house who impose themselves with a guitar and it’s all about them.
Or, they show up like it’s not all about them, until it is.
Wife: Maybe the guy wants someone to play with.
Hubs: He did, and it’s not me. I’m already in a band.
Wife: You play bass in your kid’s band. That’s not being in a band.
Hubs: I think every bass player in every band would disagree, but you go ahead.
Wife: Wouldn’t you have more in common with someone your age.
Hubs: You’re my age.
Wife: I’m not in your band.
Hubs: Yet. It’s still early. We need a girl singer.
Wife: No one sings in your band.
Hubs: You’ve got a good voice and you can keep time.
Wife: Are you recruiting me?
Hubs: Let’s do this: We get a Roland Street Cube X, practice a few songs, and play out.
Wife: Then we rent a van and hit the road and ‘get discovered?’
Hubs: We write songs of hope and regret for millennials, play them fast, slow, and instrumental.
Wife: This sounds familiar. Do we wear puffy shirts with ruffles?
If you have an adult friendship with your wife, then you’re doing marriage the right way.
A One-Four-Five In Gee
You might fake me if I stay
I get all shook up and don’t know which way to turn
But if you’re who I think you are
Drinking beer in this shitty bar
We might build some bridges we can burn
So get out there and throw yourself a party
Invite your friends and I’ll come along
I’ll help out getting it all started
If you stand with me and sing this song
You can’t break me if I leave
You might fake me if I stay
I get all shook up and don’t know which way to turn
But if you’re who I think you are
Drinking beer in this shitty bar
We might build some bridges we can burn
2
You are better than you know
To find The One to make your life complete
It’s hard looking for the best
And you might need a rest
So put the next round on me
You can’t break me if I leave
You might fake me if I stay
I get all shook and don’t know which way to turn
But if you’re who I think you are
Drinking beer in this shitty bar
We might build some bridges we can burn
3
I see you changed your mind
It happens all the time
What started all good turned all bad
But there’s no time to cry
When your heart has wings to fly
Looking hard for what you never had
You can’t break me if I leave
You might fake me if I stay
I get all shook up and don’t know which way to turn
But if you’re who I think you are
Drinking beer in this fancy bar
What guitar store is that ?! Must be a new local. At first I thought it was your house then I saw all of the tags.
Hey Jim,
My house? No, it’s StrumPdx,https://strumpdx.com
I met a guy in Guitar Center who said he once had 75 guitars at home.
I asked if he was married. He said no. Shocking, right?
Do you know StrumPdx? That’s where you can drink a beer AND handle old guitars worth thousands.
I didn’t see a “Break It And Buy It” sign, but there’s lots of trust in that place.
One side is electric, the other acoustic. Beer in between.
Thanks for coming in,
DG