ADULT FRIENDSHIP FAILS TO AVOID

Adult friendship is a balancing act.

They are either too friendly, or distant.

Too enthusiastic, or remote.

And it’s always ‘them?’

Ok, boomer.

Wife: Have you called your friends lately? Oh, that’s right, you don’t have any friends.

Hubs: Isn’t that an odd way to start a conversation, if that’s what you’re doing?

Wife: I was just wondering if . . .

Hubs: If I’d go with you to hang out with your friends?

Wife: People need friends.

Hubs: I agree, people need friends, but my friends are more like family.

Wife: You never call your family.

Hubs: So I’m right on schedule.

Wife: My friends have husbands who have friends. It’s not like it’s a weird thing.

Hubs: I’ve met them. They seem like fine people.

Wife: Who you don’t want to spend time with.

Hubs: Who I don’t spend time with, not that I don’t want to.

Wife: Then why don’t you?

A History Of Adult Friendship

I’ve never hung up on friends because they annoy me.

Chances are you haven’t either. That’s not what friends do.

And I’ve never waved anyone off because, “I don’t have time for your bullshit,” or there’s embarrassing drama in the house.

But it happens. It’s happened to me. Then what?

What I like to tell people is keep tabs on your emotions. Friendship is different than paid counseling.

First, it’s not fee-based. Good friends know how to listen.

If you meet someone and they act like a good listener? That’s nice. It’s a start.

Then what?

I said hello to an older guy in the local guitar store. He was testing out a new instrument and sounded good.

That’s what I told him, “You sound good.” I also told him I missed by guitar buddy.

I didn’t light a lighter or slow clap, but he was fast, precise, and kept a beat.

Then he offered me the guitar to play. I declined. Graciously. Why?

Because I wasn’t warmed up. Playing a guitar is a process of introducing fingers to strings on certain frets.

It takes about ten minutes to dial it in.

I don’t need more evidence that everybody plays better than me because I don’t warm up.

Besides, what really happens when you meet someone in a guitar store?

Recruiting happens. There are lots of baby boomer guitar players yearning to be in a band.

I get that. It’s a bonding experience, and so much more.

Musical Adult Friendship

Hubs: I met a guy in the guitar room.

Wife: Did you invite him over to your guitar room?

Hubs: What?

Wife: Are you going to make a play date?

Normal question here. If you meet someone you like, make plans to get together.

The last time I did that I ended up married for thirty-six years going on thirty-seven.

But this was a music thing; it’s different.

The difference is inviting strangers to the house who impose themselves with a guitar and it’s all about them.

Or, they show up like it’s not all about them, until it is.

Wife: Maybe the guy wants someone to play with.

Hubs: He did, and it’s not me. I’m already in a band.

Wife: You play bass in your kid’s band. That’s not being in a band.

Hubs: I think every bass player in every band would disagree, but you go ahead.

Wife: Wouldn’t you have more in common with someone your age.

Hubs: You’re my age.

Wife: I’m not in your band.

Hubs: Yet. It’s still early. We need a girl singer.

Wife: No one sings in your band.

Hubs: You’ve got a good voice and you can keep time.

Wife: Are you recruiting me?

Hubs: Let’s do this: We get a Roland Street Cube X, practice a few songs, and play out.

Wife: Then we rent a van and hit the road and ‘get discovered?’

Hubs: We write songs of hope and regret for millennials, play them fast, slow, and instrumental.

Wife: This sounds familiar. Do we wear puffy shirts with ruffles?

If you have an adult friendship with your wife, then you’re doing marriage the right way.

A One-Four-Five In Gee

You can’t break me if I leave 

You might fake me if I stay 

I get all shook up and don’t know which way to turn 

But if you’re who I think you are 

Drinking beer in this shitty bar 

We might build some bridges we can burn

So get out there and throw yourself a party

Invite your friends and I’ll come along

I’ll help out getting it all started

If you stand with me and sing this song

You can’t break me if I leave 

You might fake me if I stay 

I get all shook up and don’t know which way to turn 

But if you’re who I think you are 

Drinking beer in this shitty bar 

We might build some bridges we can burn

2

You are better than you know

With places you can go

To find The One to make your life complete

It’s hard looking for the best 

And you might need a rest

So put the next round on me

You can’t break me if I leave 

You might fake me if I stay 

I get all shook and don’t know which way to turn 

But if you’re who I think you are 

Drinking beer in this shitty bar 

We might build some bridges we can burn

3

I see you changed your mind

It happens all the time

What started all good turned all bad

But there’s no time to cry

When your heart has wings to fly

Looking hard for what you never had

You can’t break me if I leave 

You might fake me if I stay 

I get all shook up and don’t know which way to turn 

But if you’re who I think you are 

Drinking beer in this fancy bar 

We might build some bridges we can burn, burn, burn