ADULT COSTUMES OR THE REAL DEAL

Adult costumes on Halloween are not the problem.

The problem is the costume adults wear the rest of the time.

You know the ones I’m talking about, where everyone looks normal?

Or at least normal for them and their friends.

Going To The Store

“Honey, would you pick up a few things at the store? I’m in the middle of skinning dinner.”

“Sure thing, dear. I’ll get dressed. Do you remember where I put my 9?”

“The Glock is under the couch cushion, the Walther is in the kitchen drawer, the rest are laying around here someplace.”

“I’ll get going after I put on my kevlar body armor, tactical headgear, knuckle gloves, and steel-toes boots.”

“Don’t forget extra ammo, hun. Just in case. Remember, you’re the good guy.”

“Damn right, dear. Nothing’s going down on my watch. Where’s my bear spray?”

“I picked up an extra case. It’s in the rig.”

“Can’t be too safe at Safeway.”

“Ain’t nobody gonna try you. Will you get some extra milk?”

“Soon as I find my zip ties.”

Going To The Clinic In Adult Costumes

“If we don’t hurry we’re going to be late. Late, get it?”

“Six weeks late. Good one. Where’s my grim reaper cape.”

“Don’t forget your scythe.”

“I think it’s in the closet.”

“Did you get a new umbilical cord for the doll? Last week one of the escorts grabbed it and tried to pull it down.”

“Yes, the new one is more realistic. More slippery.”

“That’ll get ’em and get ’em good.”

“Don’t forget your protection.”

“Never. I need to load a few more clips before I go.”

“Already done it. Say hello the the Franklin’s. I hear they’ve got new adult costumes.”

“Doing the Lord’s work with a fresh look. Ben’s got a new gun from the church raffle.”

“We won a gift card for the rifle range. Let’s all go together.”

After Visiting The Capitol

“What are you looking at?”

“We got company.”

“Probably an Amazon delivery. I ordered new camo.”

“So did I, but we have company in camo.”

“You shouldn’t of told the kids about our January trip.”

“But I told them I’d shoot them if they said anything.”

“They just don’t get it. If we didn’t go and fight we wouldn’t have a country.”

“That’s right, we’re the winners.”

“Hell yeah. You know what winners do? They do what losers won’t do, like build a gallows, make pipe bombs, and make the right choices.”

“We’re protecting our legacy.”

“And now they’re telling us we’re wrong.”

“What if we’re wrong? If the election wasn’t rigged, if we’ve been following the wrong way. I don’t want to be on the wrong side this time. Not again. We’ve been wrong enough. Have you read The Bar Rag Report?“

“Stop. Just stop right there. Not another word. I can’t believe what you’re saying. Who are you? I don’t even recognize you.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I need a meeting with Pat Robertson.”

“Gonna have to be a re-run, Hon.”

“I’ll send a check to Jim Bakker.”

“That’ll cover your soul. You’re a saint.”

“No, you are.”

“No, you.”