THE ART OF FRIENDSHIP, OR WHY YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS

If you want to experience friendship, have friends, be generous.

Loan money, loan tools, loan your car.

That’s also the way to experience friendlessness when they don’t repay, return, and crash your car.

The other way is spending time together.

My wife says I don’t have any friends because the only people I spend time with are our kids.

And she’s wrong.

She’s wrong because she has a different definition of friendship, such as checking in with people on a regular basis.

If I don’t check in with friends, that doesn’t mean we’re not the same as we’ve always been.

If we were friends the last time we saw each other, then we’re still friends.

In some definitions, constant contact is the key.

I knew a guy who alway called from his car and hung up when he got to where he was going.

A car phone friend.

We heard from each other a lot until he quit driving around as much.

Maybe I ought to call him? No one’s getting any younger.

John Prine wrote a song about it called Hello In There.

 

We had an apartment in the city
And me and Loretta liked living there
Well, it’d been years since the kids had grown
A life of their own
And left us alone

Left Alone?

Some people spend a lifetime trying to be left along, acting like that’s their entire goal, then complain to anyone they see about being so lonely.

There’s a good reason to leave people alone: It makes them happy.

At least that’s what they say.

What they mean is they’ve never learned to get along with others.

Instead of a big S for satisfactory on their early report cards, they got the big NI for needs improvement.

Lonely people are needy people. What are they in need of?

 

John and Linda live in Omaha
And Joe is somewhere on the road
We lost Davy in the Korean War
And I still don’t know what for
Don’t matter anymore

 

They need someone they can tell about their loneliness until it drives them away like it did everyone else who knew them.

Ask me how I know?

I’m not the drive away guy, but I’ll talk until I notice the attention drift then shut up?

Noooo, but I’ll change the subject.

If my friends can’t keep up, then I’ll quiet down.

I’ve noticed that making people feel slow is not friendly.

 

Friendless In Portland?

From most angles Portland is full of people. It’s a city, and like others it needs people to function.

You may ask, “Are they fun people?”

The answer is yes, unless you base a judgement on specific incidents.

Do you have an outgoing personality?

That’s good, but not for everyone.

 

Me and Loretta, we don’t talk much more
She sits and stares through the back door screen
And all the news just repeats itself
Like some forgotten dream
That we’ve both seen

 

Do you have aggressive tendencies?

Also good, but again, not for everyone.

 

Someday I’ll go and call up Rudy
We worked together at the factory
But what could I say if he asks, “What’s new?”
“Nothin’, what’s with you?
Nothin’ much to do”

 

Nothing’ Much To Do?

If you’re one of the old birds with nothing much to do, wake the fuck up. Come on.

Get to know your town in ways you’ve never thought of.

Go to the library.

Get to know your neighbors.

Go to a ball game.

My new pal from the tire store said it best with, “Get up and get out of the house. Get a routine and stick to it while you add more.”

That’s the advice from my Portland Queen, and she’s right.

No one is waiting for you to show up.

 

 

I heard this song when I was younger and passed by some old coot on a bench and said those magic words, “Hello in there.”

The guy acted like it was the first time someone had said anything to him in years.

Was he glad? Nooooo.

 

Me: Hello in there.

Old Man: What?

Me: Hello in there.

OM: What’s that supposed to mean? What do you want? Get away from me.

 

You know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say
“Hello in there, hello”

 

My old guy was apparently waiting for someone to yell at.

I was glad to help.

 

PS:

I go on about Portland because it’s where I found my wife, or she found me. We’re still trying to decide what’s what.

Either I swooped her away from her boyfriend, or she stole me away from my girlfriend.

After forty years of marriage, nearly forty, a few days away if we’re lucky, it’s still a split decision.

PSS:

If we have hollow ancient eyes, it’s still eyes for each other, and it never gets lonely.

Am I the lucky one? Is she? I like to think our wedding in 1986 was an omen.

We both got 86’d out of our former lives for a life together, and together it’s been.

And together it will be, or my name isn’t Davie Sweetie Pie Poopsie Boy.