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MORE ‘WANT TO?’ BUT WHERE IS IT

December 26, 2024 by Leave a Comment

‘Want to’ is what you need starting out.
More ‘want to’ is what it takes to keep going.
Some folks use it all in the start-up phase, others in the keep going phase.
Then there’s the closer who never runs out.

Some people are born with a life plan installed.
They say things like, “I knew what I wanted to do for as long as I can remember.”

 

I worked with a school district janitorial crew one summer.
No one said that.
Not the guys getting high at lunch and taking downers on the weekends to ‘get into nature.’
Or take a nap.
If they wanted more, they didn’t say.
What were they thinking?

 

Another summer I worked in a saw mill.
No one there said it there, either.
Not the old man on the dryer line who fought ‘The Big One’ from ‘Har why ya.’
You know the Har why ya islands?
He was a man who followed timber jobs from Louisiana to Michigan to Coos Bay.
There was nothing else he wanted.

 

Every summer those crazy college kids showed up for vacation fill-ins and double shifts.
They had all the want to in the world, stashing money away for tuition.
The more hours the better.
They were already thinking about going back to school before spring term ended.

 

Not Everyone Went Back To School

The path to self-fulfillment isn’t always a straight line.
There are those who have it all nailed down:
Leave high school with a good GPA.
Get accepted by your #1 college, with numbers two and three as back-ups.
Ace the GRE.
Now you’re ready to scoop up a Masters degree.
Not Master Of The Universe, but a good start.

Some people are smart enough, but need to learn how smart to gain confidence and get started.
A famous scientist said he was surprised to have done what he did with the IQ he had.
Other people see the road ahead of them and take the first exit they see.

 

I am still living with your ghostLonely and dreaming of the west coastI don’t wanna be your downtimeI don’t wanna be your stupid game

 

They get dislocated and lost, living their life as a search for what they left behind.

 

With my big black boots and an old suitcaseI do believe I’ll find myself a new placeI don’t wanna be the bad guyI don’t wanna do your sleepwalk dance anymoreI just wanna see some palm treesI will try and shake away this disease

 

At every level of society, if you’re one of those who count the layers we’re fed about class structure, there are lost boys of every age wandering around and complaining about who they could have been.

 

From should have finished high school, should have finished college, to should have gone to grad-school, law-school, medical school, men and women sink into their regrets.
Are the first to drop out the most satisfied?

 

We can live beside the oceanLeave the fire behindSwim out past the breakersWatch the world die

 

Mixed Messages

The older you get, the more often you hear people talking about one thing, but it means something else.
Someone with a lot of wants, but little else, finds someone with lots of want to, but little else.
What happens when you want something but have to idea how to get it?
What happens when someone has more want to than is good for them, but no idea what they want?
It’s a collision of needs with a wide fallout of  bitterness and anger from people ‘who could’ve been somebody.’

 

I am still dreaming of your faceHungry and hollow for all the things you took awayI don’t wanna be your good timeI don’t wanna be your fall-back crutch anymore

 

If there’s a message I’ve learned over time, a consistent message, it is hidden motivation.
People tell you what they want to do, but do other things instead.
They ask your advice only to ignore it, then complain about their failure.
These are your friends, family, neighbors, and you.
And that’s the hard part. How can it be you, too?
Worst of all, how can it be me?

 

The Want To Get Up And Go

Walk right up into a brand new dayInsane and rising in my own weird wayI don’t wanna be the bad guyI don’t wanna do your sleepwalk dance anymore

 

Do you want to be on time?
When you say you’ll be someplace, be there.
Make the time to be who you say you are.

 

We can live beside the oceanLeave the fire behindSwim out past the breakersWatch the world die

 

Dream the dream of living by the ocean? I do.
I’m living that dream from Portland Oregon more than someone from Ohio.
Their ocean is Lake Erie, which isn’t that great in comparison.
Do you want to swim out past the breakers? I’ve done it twice.
The first time was in Delaware and I mistook dolphin fins for shark fins and set the record for getting out of the water.
The second time was in Hawaii and a current took me for a ride before I noticed. (Hey Mandy.)
No one wants to watch the world die and die with it.
If the world dies, we die.
That’s one thing you don’t get to watch.
I want to see the a better world with better people.
I’m doing my part.
Are you?
Do you want to? Or do you want to want to?
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About David Gillaspie

I am a writer. This is my blog story day by day.

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