GET UP, WAKE UP, STAND UP

Get up, wake up, stand up, and look where you’re going.

Those were words from a surfer teaching another how to surf.

It’s the complete opposite of my surf school.

I didn’t get up, didn’t wake up, didn’t stand up.

Oh, and I didn’t look around.

There I was, first time in Hawaii, first time on a boogie board, first time trying to catch a wave.

I grew up surrounded by Oregon beaches from Sunset Beach to Bastendorff to Horsefal.

They all had waves. The closest I got to catching one was wading out and jumping into a wave.

There were surfers in high school, but it wasn’t something I did, or something anyone I knew did.

I’d heard about surfers, and I wish I knew more about it before standing in the Kauai sand.

With a boogie board and no fins, I was ready.

I thought I was ready.

 

I Wasn’t Ready

I watched the surfers catch waves and make it look easy.

Catch a wave, ride it in, go back out and do it again.

So I headed out near them.

Surfer Rule: Do not impede the surfers.

As a new wave rider, a wannabe wave rider, I joined the crew waiting on the perfect wave.

When one came a bunch of them did the get up, wake up, stand up, and look around.

I did the look arounds part because all of the surfers seemed headed right at me.

They were aimed my direction so they could yell at me to get out of the way.

I yelled an apology back at them while I dodged surfboards.

If one took aim, and they all seemed to take aim, I was ready to whip my boogie board up to block their collision.

Out of respect for these sensitive surfers I turned left to avoid them.

A left turn and further out seemed like a good idea. Then I caught a current.

I didn’t catch a wave, or a shark, or the eye of the lifeguard.

But I did catch the eye of the only person in my party watching me drift away. (Hey Mandy)

I saw her talk to a surfer leaving the water and he came out to check on me, to offer a tow back in.

No tow, thank you, which was a mistake.

Once I started kicking for shore I discovered I wasn’t moving the right direction.

So I shifted gears and started swimming and kicking like crazy once I recognized the peril.

My plan was to abandon the boogie board and haul ass if things took a turn, or get swept away.

 

Good Swimmer? Not That Good

 

I’m not afraid of the water, but the ocean isn’t the same as the Roman Bath in England.

I’ve been in the Pacific Ocean, the Atlantic Ocean, and the Gulf of Mexico and made it out each time.

The tumbling and rolling that came with the Hawaiian waves reminded me of the movie Dunkirk where Christopher Nolan showed many ways to drown.

Lots of bubbles, lots of churning, lots of fun as long as my feet were near ground.

Which they weren’t with the surfers.

As a responsible blogger I must say stay out of the deep end of the pool if you’re not prepared.

Call it a life lesson.

If you’re in unfamiliar territory, get familiar.

If you’re not made of the right stuff to take care of yourself and those around you, don’t leave Baby Beach.

Call me a baby, but Baby Beach was perfect.

It lay behind a breakwater, plenty deep at high tide (maybe five feet deep), and full of fish like I’ve never seen outside a saltwater fish tank.

 

To the west of Poipu Beach is Baby Beach, a sweet little protected cove perfect for very young children.

This tiny crescent shaped beach has very calm and shallow waters making it an ideal choice for babies. For the adults you will be able to relax as your little ones splash around the ankle-deep waters.

 

Very young children, little ones, and this big old fish out of water.

Our babies did fine, so did the women and men.

The key was knowing where you are and assessing the risks.

I was a big strong man daring the ocean to come at me.

It did.

I fucked around and found out, or at least found out enough to be better prepared next time.

And there will be a next time.

Some time, some place, you’ll look out at the breakers and see some nut job doing things they shouldn’t be doing.

I watched two people in kayaks push off the sand at Cannon Beach recently and thought, ‘this is a bad idea.’

They proved me wrong by surfing waves in their boats. It was incredible.

Kayak surfing? What could go wrong? Where’s my vest, my helmet, my snorkel, my gloves, my . . . I’m not doing it.

As exciting as it looked, as much fun as I’d have, no thanks.

I’m not proving anything to wife and kids and grandkids, especially not showing them I can drown with the best of them.

What time is it? I’ll ask Big Ben.