MAN CARD? DON’T PULL IT TOO OFTEN

The man card is a fictional device for super men to explain themselves.

They are manly men and they want you to know.

They want you to know so they can then tell you they’re pulling your man card.

Don’t let that happen. Nobody can pull it but the owner, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

If you are a man and you want to know how to man-up without being a jerk, without looking like a confused little boy paralyzed the first time they shinnied up a pole, you’re got work to do.

You may need to find that time machine, go back to high school, and make some changes.

Instead of smoking in the boys’ room, find your way to the wrestling room and attend one practice.

After one practice you’ll know more about yourself than anything you’ve learned so far.

You will learn to keep going when you’re exhausted, when you’ve taken it to the limit.

And that’s just during warm-ups.

After that you’ll learn how far you can bend and twist beyond any bending and twisting that’s ever happened.

You’ll get rocked by a crossface cradle, walked over by an arm-bar.

You’ll discover the half-nelson, the three-quarter nelson, full-nelson, and the father-nelson.

One practice for a man card?

If you make it through practice without calling for your momma, or running off in the middle of things, you’re on the right track.

Come back for the rest of the season? You are awesome.

 

Wrestling Man Card to Military Man Card

If you wet the bed in your late teens and early twenties, don’t join the Army.

If you do join the Army, don’t choose the top bunk in the barracks and leak on the guy in the bottom bunk.

They won’t appreciate you. They might seek retribution.

Join the Army before you get out of diapers and you’ll be discharged as unfit for duty.

No man card for you.

But people grow up and mature.

In the course or events, of gaining maturity, the story changes.

Dudes tell their story: I was a triple crown state champ, the top guy in boot camp, and could have kept going.

Some doe-eyed soft man explaining their hard earned man card is too laughable.

But it happens. Guys keep a full dress blue Army uniform in the closet to explain their time in Vietnam, in Iraq, in Afghanistan, without ever leaving home.

That’s valor, made up valor, stolen valor.

 

The Bad Ass Man Card Credentials

What our delicate men don’t understand is you don’t have to pretend to be someone else to appeal to other men.

Real men know the drill: Be a good husband, a good father, and a good son.

It’s not too late. Just be a decent person to your wife, kid, and parents.

You may not get a man card issued by the other bullshitters in the room pumping up their accomplishments about avoiding  folding laundry and doing dishes because it’s women’s work and they are 100% all-American man, but you will get one from those who matter.

Now fast forward to current times and look for who smears other people with their less than masculine talk.

Do you like the sound of little bitches screeching about how they’re treated, how they’ve been treated, and how unfair it all is?

Poor, poor, pitiful me, or them?

A man explaining how women work to other men who have less of a clue than them?

A man explaining how women want them to grab them by the pussy because they’re rich and famous?

Someone needs to tell him the women are making a career move, not because they find the man so irresistible.

Some man denying women the choice of what to do with their body? Lame.

If you’ve never had a man card, but you’re a good guy with respect for others?

You are man card worthy.

And no one can take that away from you.

It can’t be taken away by some playboy dandy with wives and kids spread across the years.

It can’t be taken away by the suck-ups who worship the dandy man in hawk tuah devotion.

That they want you to feel less than them is their path, their journey, not yours.

Be fair, be honest, be accountable to your wife and kids, and you’ve got the only man card that matters.

Follow the fucksticks without that card who threaten you?

If they’re existence in public life depends on your vote, then vote.