RELATIONSHIP ABERRATION? WHO IS THE ABERRATION, WHO IS ‘NORMAL’

The big question in a relationship aberration is who is who?

Who is the aberration for the other, who is the norm.

So there I was sitting down to a late lunch with my wife talking about aberrations.

I started by using a string as an example.

String? Stay with me.

If this had been a first date scenario, it would have been the last.

I was the guy mansplaining what a string is:

 

A string is bigger than a thread, not as big as a rope, but if you combine many strings you can make a rope.

With enough thread you can make textiles; with enough rope you can hang yourself.

String is less work and not as deadly.

 

Soooo intriguing? Like I said, not a first date topic.

That was me explaining  my dating history, my string of dates, and how she lined up.

After thirty-seven years of married life, this is dangerous territory.

 

Now I’m part of a string? 

 

String Along With Charles

1. Thoroughbred Polo Horses

Thoroughbreds are strong and versatile breeds that are commonly used. Polo horses tend to be crossbreeds of different horses, and most polo horses are about 75 per cent thoroughbred.

The thoroughbred is built for speed and has strong hindquarters that allow it to run fast for long durations. Thanks to breeding years, today’s thoroughbred has both speed and stamina and can easily sustain high performance through a polo match.

 

One of our shared jokes is about choosing a partner with the right DNA.

Since one of my grandparents had been married seven times, dating a cousin seemed possible.

A first generation American wife checked that box.

On the other hand, when we met in our mid-twenties I was a work in progress, a proud college dropout because, “I don’t need a piece of paper to authenticate my life.”

My habit of dating outstanding women was in full schwing.

So was my short attention span when it came to relationship goals.

Did I have any relationship goals? I pretended not to know any that made any since.

One of my hard-learned goals was not telling dates where I lived.

Not that I was ashamed of my home.

I liked where I lived, just not when there’s a hottie in a nightgown parked outside waiting for me.

She was late for a date so I didn’t come out. I unplugged my phone and went to sleep.

I plugged it back in around four in the morning and it rang. She’d been calling all night to say, “I hate you.”

 

Relationship Aberration Or Falling In Love

In American high school it’s normal for high school boys and girls to go out on dates.

College? Same thing, college kids dating college kids.

Everyone’s around the same age in both environments, moving the same direction as far as anyone knows.

After you start ‘real life’ you learn about people getting married to older people, older being thirty-five or forty.

Ancient, right?

But that would never be me. I wasn’t getting married and worked hard toward that goal.

I grew up hearing, “Miserable people ought to marry each other and save two other people from being miserable.”

I wasn’t miserable enough for that, but I saw it in others.

 

“We’re married, we just don’t live together.”

“We have an open marriage.”

“We’re as good as married.”

 

The more I was around married people the more I thought, ‘I could do marriage better than them.’

I could if I wanted to, but why break the string?

 

Back At The Late Lunch Date:

Me: Relationships change, but personal preference? Not so much. I’ve always liked smart, beautiful, women.

Wife: So I’ve heard. Now it’s a string.

Me: If marriage is a mountain, relationships are the climbing rope.

Wife: String to rope. Now I know.

Me: No one knows this. If marriage is a mountain and relationships are climbing ropes? When the rope breaks you fall and slip and slide and bounce off of a boulder, drop into a crevasse, or hit a tree.

Wife: Is this about our honeymoon trip again?

Me: No, just listen. If marriage is a mountain, and people say they climb mountains just because they’re there, the next time out you need a stronger rope.

Wife: Did you find one?

Me: Did you? I’m your relationship aberration strong rope.

Wife:

Me: I met a couple of your former losers.

Wife: They are very successful people.

Me: They would have been jealous of you and undermined the marriage.

Wife: You don’t know that.

Me: If multiple divorces mean anything, I do know that. But, you’re right, maybe they don’t?

Wife: You have girlfriends who’ve been divorced.

Me: All of them searching for that missing part of marriage. Over and over.

Wife: Missing part?

Me: The relationship aberration.

Wife: Oh, now I see. They’re all searching for someone to replace you and regretting that they can’t.

Me: Is that a question?

 

Settling? Or Last Chance For A Relationship Aberration?

Today’s post, Relationship Aberration, is inspired by Reddit.

People Who Married Their ‘Better Than Nothing’ Option.

Some responses:

 

I think I am the better than nothing spouse. About a month ago I found out. It was devastating. For 17 years she settled for me despite not truly loving me. Life was hard but we had each other or so I thought.

The moment we talked about how bad things got she asked for a divorce and I lost my best friend and sole person who I felt I trusted enough to talk to. I move out tomorrow to rebuild my life.

 

 

Heard in a bar:

Man 1: I’m getting divorced and moving out tomorrow.

Man 2: Sorry to hear that. Was there another man?

Man 1: Yes.

Man 2: I knew it. There’s always another man, even when there isn’t. Where did she meet this skeevy fuck.

Man 1: She didn’t. I did.

Man 2: Did you beat his sorry ass for breaking up your marriage when you met him?

Man 1: No. We’re moving in together.

Man 2: What about your wife?

Man 1: She can’t have him. She’ll have to find her own man.

Man 2: I see. So . . .

Man 1: Yep.

Man 2: I’m sure it will all work out.

 

Wife And I With The Kids

More from Reddit:

 

My parents got married because they were considered old in their church (they were 26 and 24…) and they both wanted kids. My mom told me that is was the practical thing to do, haha!

Luckily they hit it off, and though it took a lot of time and work, they are annoyingly in love and have been married for 42 years next month.

 

“Annoyingly in love” has a nice ring to it.

 

I didn’t marry him because he was better than nothing, but I was really unsure. After 10 years of dating, he was so different from what I imagined I wanted, and had so many things I wasn’t wild about, that I was really reluctant to get married, but I knew the clock was ticking and I knew I didn’t want to break up.

And OMG did I make the right decision.

What you want in someone you’re dating isn’t necessarily the same as what you want in a permanent roommate, other half, and coparent. I didn’t realize it then, but he’s absolutely perfect for me (even if he does annoy me sometimes).

He’s not big on romantic gestures, but the way that man loads a dishwasher ranks him among the gods as far as I’m concerned. He’s loyal, he’s funny, he cares about what I think and want, he takes my advice seriously, he’s devoted to me but still has his own life.

Major jackpot.

 

“He does annoy me sometimes.”

 

In every relationship there is a horse and a rider.

The relationship aberration happens when we forget our roles.

That’s when we chase down those memories.

GiddyUp.