TENDER BAR, A PLACE EVERYONE NEEDS

The Tender Bar is a book, a memoir, and a movie.

A book and a movie, for the deuce.

But it’s more than a book or a movie, it’s a destination

I stopped in for a drink yesterday, but it was the wrong bar.

The Tender Bar and The Bartender’s Tale have more in common than I’d expect.

Young kid, single parent, and a local bar all carry the story forward, but one hits closer to home than the other.

Tender is about a boy and his momma going ‘home’, but mom won’t call it home and tells her son it’s not his home.

It’s her father’s house, a father who looked familiar to me. Not my father, but a good take on being a dad.

The boy’s mom said it best with, “Your grandfather resents helping his family; your father never helped anyone.”

And yet the boy seeks his father like any boy might, and he finds a father-figure in his uncle, the bartender.

Hence, The Tender Bar.

Uncle’s Advice Makes The Difference

Uncle says, “I’ve watched you play in the yard. You’re not a very good at sports like me, and you probably won’t get better, so don’t waste your time. Find something else to do. What do you like to do?”

“Read. I like to read.”

“Then maybe you’ll be a writer if you read enough.”

“Can I read books from the bar?”

“Sure. Read them all.”

And he pulls a book down for the kid. The bar is named Dickens, and the book was by Charles Dickens.

Tying things together, but there’s more.

The kid is a reader, the uncle is self-taught, and the kid wants to read uncle’s books.

Uncle shows a closet full of books at home.

“Read them all before you talk to me, and we’ll talk about every book in the closet.”

The uncle played by Ben Affleck is better than the real Ben.

Grandpa In The Tender Bar

A resentful grandpa is no cup of tea, but this grandpa came through for his boy.

With no father around, who will be dad at the Father-Son lunch?

The crusty old grandpa shows up. We see him transform from a nasty looking old geezer with a sour face to what you see in the picture.

He dresses up and makes the grade.

His best line?

“Don’t tell your friends you’ve got a good grandpa because then everyone will want one.”

I’ll go one further: Don’t tell anyone you know about The Tender Bar, especially if they are a writer.

Tell them and they might have a spiritual moment and think you’ve seen into their soul, and they’ll ask you about it the rest of your friendship.

This movie could do that, and here’s why:

George Clooney Directed On Long Island

What do you think of when you hear the words Long Island?

An island that’s long?

Or, the Great Gatsby with all of the flash and grandeur?

Instead, director Clooney chose to show Long Island as a working place full of small town losers who know who they are and like it.

They play softball, go bowling, hang out at the bar, and it’s enough.

But when the kid gets older and has a chance to leave, they are all onboard.

This rings true.

We’ve all had chances to be someone else, live somewhere else, change with the times.

Eventually we find a comfort zone. It may not be our personal comfort zone, but it works for everyone else, so it works.

And we get to be authentic people, not those who can’t say where they’re from because they moved so much, or can’t say who they are because it’s not them.

It doesn’t happen at the Tender Bar. They all know as much as they need to know and let the rest ride.

Life should be so easy.

The Moral Of The Story

It’s a coming of age story of a working class kid working on his mom’s aspirations for him.

Along the way he goes to college and meets a girl and gets dumped over and over.

His girl asks about his dad, if he has father issues, because guys with father issues are a mess.

Not like girls.

Except she’s a mess, more of a mess than he is, which is refreshing to see.

The kid grows up to see the advice from uncle and the bar come true.

Or at least true enough to believe.

Some of the movie feels like Vision Quest without the wrestling.

The kid wants to be a writer, and his uncle tells him he needs to do one thing first.

And he does it.

Follow me for more spoilers.

But first watch The Tender Bar and leave a comment.

Maybe read the book?