MARRIAGE FORECASTING: WHAT TO EXPECT

Marriage forecasting includes the same elements as the weather:

Sunny days, cloudy days, some rain, some more rain, more clouds.

But we only remember the sunny days, so keep that in mind.

When a wife asks you to hold her purse, she isn’t asking you to saw off your testicles and leave them in the center section with the zip top.

Holding a purse isn’t the same as holding the bag during a walk with the dog.

And it’s not an attack on your manhood, though it may feel like it the first few hundred times.

A quick check with Marriage Forecasting reports that holding you wife’s purse is not a deal breaker, not a cause for an annulment.

Just hold her purse while she uses a public restroom. If you don’t you’ll notice every place she puts that purse afterwards.

It will be on a chair, on a table, maybe on the coat you tossed on a chair, and in each case you’ll be thinking about the skeevy germs it picked up from the ladies’ room floor.

So hold her purse. It’s best for both of you.

Marriage Forecasting Question Of Accuracy

To be a good marriage forecaster you need some skin in the game, like being married.

But even more, you need to know the territory and the players.

Some brides don’t care who they marry as long as they don’t have to live where they’ve been.

Besides that, not everyone plans on staying married.

If you come from a culture of multiple divorces, regular separations, and endless pledges to do better, it’s an uphill battle.

The best advice you’ll get from men in such a place is, “dump that bitch,” instead of, “you saw something in her when you got married and you need to find that again.”

What do the women tell each other in that environment?

“Honey, you need to wise up. He will never be who you want him to be. My third ex-husband has a friend who is divorcing his second wife, and he’s a catch. But you need to get in early. The ladies are out there waiting for this hunka hunk of burning love.”

If burning love is what you want, along with the possibility of a burning sensation in the bathroom, this is player to play.

But this is a marriage forecasting post, not a UTI forecasting post.

Put Paris On The Marriage Map

The top picture is on the famous Paris bridge with all of the gold.

People love getting married on the Pont Alexandre III bridge.

The tender photo in the second section is in reverse. My wife always checks my nose before a kiss.

Men, check you nose. It’s snot funny. Besides, the guy in the pic probably snorkeled on his wife and thought it was her.

The photo in this section is a married couple I know who raced through Paris on a bike tour with teenaged girls who jockeyed for position in the peloton.

They weren’t messing around and rode hard and fast. It’s not easy when you decide to show how it’s done.

Clear out kids, it’s race day. My wife was the winner while I rode the blocking bike on our Tour de France.

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The clear picture for marriage forecasting comes from long marriages.

Look closely for positive signs because they’re in there.

Do they live separate lives, eat meals apart, have different sets of friends who don’t mix?

If this sounds good, keep reading.

People like this are married people. Not best friends, not soul mates, not needles in the haystack.

They could be all of the above, but the overriding tag is ‘Married People.’

The skills they bring to the program are listening while pretending to ignore, caring intensely while pretending to ignore, and watching each other like hawks while pretending to ignore.

Why pretend to ignore? Because acting out expressions of love all the time is exhausting.

Give it a try and see if you get burned out giving and receiving love signals like a 24 hour news cycle.

Eventually you will wear down and that’s when the relationship starts. Hopefully this happens before marriage so no one bails when reality sets in.

One Way Forward For Happy Marriage Forecasting

Him: I’ll do what you ask and finish what I started, but whether I do it with joy depends on you.

Her: I asked you to water a plant. Is that too much?

Him: And I watered it.

Her: You just stood with a hose like you didn’t really care.

Him: You asked me to water the plant, I watered the plant. All done.

Her: But you just went through the motions.

Him: Honey, it’s watering a plant, not a Broadway show. You said water the plant, the plant is watered. Everything after that is something you’ve got worked up.

Her: You could at least show some enthusiasm.

Him: This is a good time to talk? Let’s talk. When someone is asked to do something, and they do it, call it a win for both sides. But when someone asks someone to do something, then micro-manages the hell out it five different times in two minutes, something is wrong.

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Her: I like things done a certain way.

Him: Yes you do. And sucking the life out of things is no way to go.

Her: I don’t do that.

Him: Then let’s agree. I’ll do what you ask and do it until it’s done. And you do the same when I ask you.

Her: You never ask for anything.

Him: And you follow through every time. Just know that I’ll do things, and if I’m not singing and dancing while I’m doing them it’s because the fun somehow evaporated in the directions given.

Her: I don’t know what you mean.

Him: Like watering a plant. It needs water, it gets water. It needs water, not an endless dissertation on cooperation, biology, and the need to nurture everything living or dead. Water the plant? Okay, done.

Her: But it’s the way you do it.

Him: I can tell you 9 out of 10 husbands would hear this and tell you to do it yourself.

Her: And you’re the special one? Is that what you’re saying.

Him: You tell me. Is the plant watered?

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