SELF ACCEPTANCE? HOLD MY BEER

If self acceptance sounds like another woo woo to you, take another look.

You are who you are, now who you were, or who you want to be.

It’s that simple, and that hard.

If self acceptance is not for you, then you’ve got problems. What kind of problems, you ask?

“Self-acceptance is terribly difficult and is, not that you asked, the primary obsession of mine. It is the ultimate sin, you’ll find, to ignore or to deny who and what we are. As a human–tragedy. As an artist–insanity. One’s style, whatever that is, is simply the only way we can communicate or share. To apply a style, like a rancid batter, is folly. Tell your story in the only way you can. One of the most potent ways to discover and to accept yourself is to tell your story honestly. There you will find yourself.” —Harold Pinter/Interview with James Grissom/1997/

The ‘tell your story honestly’ part is the main tripping point.

It’s not, ‘tell your story honestly until someone tells a similar story so you take parts of it and call it your story.’

That’s when the tragic insanity kicks in.

If you have to update yourself to remind you of who you are, start doing the work.

Retirement Killer

I’ve met retired people who wander around looking for someone to tell who they used to be.

My favorite is the doctor who misses the interaction of subordinates waiting for his coming announcements.

Now, not so much. No one is waiting.

Instead of the hustle and bustle of saving lives and changing the course of medical history, he’s watching from the sidelines.

What did the former #1 in his department miss the most? Sharing his immense knowledge for the betterment of mankind.

This lifesaver has seen the ship pull away from the dock and he’s not on it.

But he won’t leave the dock.

Sound familiar? Self acceptance suggests he needs more to do.

But what’s an accomplished person supposed to do when their services, the services they spent a lifetime accumulating, are no longer needed?

The ‘no longer needed’ part is the sticker. It’s hard when someone sees the need is still there, but not them.

High level performers who have enjoyed the status associated with being the best at what they do get easily lost when it’s all over.

Now what? Have lunch once a month with former colleagues in the same boat? Drop by the old office now and then?

My guy makes life worth living by staying in touch with his surviving patients.

My Way And The Highway To Self Acceptance

I raised two kids and that’s probably the most important thing I’ll ever do.

Putting two men on this world who understand how things work, who don’t blame anyone for their problems, who feel for others, is my big self acceptance challenge.

What’s my secret? Their mom. I married someone who takes raising kids seriously.

Did she let the village raise our kids? Or let the teachers raise our kids? Or the coaches?

Any of the three choices are good picks, just not the ones we made.

We helicoptered the hell out of the whole child rearing process from volunteering in the classes, to coaching Rec League a decade, to breaking down the graduation requirements for a university degree or three.

If the village had raised our kids it would have been with help from a neighborhood of Jehovah Witnesses, ex-cons, and state Republican Party presidents.

It was a good village with a message: I’d have a lot of work to do if I was going to be the parent I thought I was.

My self acceptance is seeing them now and being proud of who they are so far.

Your Self Acceptance Challenge

Are you doing good work?

Does your family depend on you?

Is life dealing you a good hand?

Whether you work to pay the bills, or you’re doing work you love that pays little, find something that’s only you.

My grandfather was a logger, a tree faller, who had an electronics lab in his basement. He built his own stereo before mega-sound systems were available.

If you don’t have a black sheep in your family, it’s probably you.

Down the line someone will ask about you: “What was it about Uncle Bob?”

By your actions, make sure they have the right answer.

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A Facebook friend left a comment on a recent post:

You have weathered much Dave-more than some, less than others and keep a wry sense of humor and perspective-good read-thanks There you go!

I’ve weathered broken bones, scrapes and cuts, chemo and radiation, a mohs procedure, marriage, home births, passed loved ones, caregiving for others.

And keep a wry sense of humor and perspective. What’s that mean?

I think it means self acceptance that I’m not the ‘little bitch’ in the life picture.

It means I work to avoid being the little bitch in the life picture.

And it also means being surprised when I discover I am the little bitch in the life picture.

Hold on just a minute here? That can’t be right.

But it is, and it’s right for me. The shocking part is it’s right for you, too.

Fight me in comments, LB.