1080 THE FAN GOES ON A HOST HUNT

Admit it, you’ve been in someone’s car with sports talk radio on and thought, “Please just shut up.”

But they don’t turn it down. The driver won’t change the station. You don’t ask.

The radio hosts keep repeating things three times.

You wonder who the last two are for since you heard it the first time.

“The Seahawks win. The SEASHAWKS win. The Seahawks WIN.”

One variation for every sort of fan, every learning type.

If you were driving around Sunday afternoon you heard “THE SEAHAWKS WIN.”

Ask yourself what kind of fan you are for not finding a place to watch the NFC title game.

1080 The Fan knows their audience. A study must have shown they need new voices on the air.

Isaac and Suke from Primetime said it best: “One of us gets a new partner, the other gets fired.”

Pretty funny for one, no so funny for the other.

What goes into finding this host?

Set up a contest to begin with. The first meeting was last Wednesday at Beaverton Buffalo Wild Wings.

It couldn’t have gone better.

I showed up, parked the car, then took a lap around the building in search of the front door.

Once inside I pulled up to the bar and ordered a Widmer Hefeweizen. Why? Because it’s a good beer and because it came with a free 22 oz Widmer souvenir glass.

Before I had a chance to pay the guy next to me ordered the same thing and paid for us both.

He was a signed up contestant. I was scouting out the place for another show.

This wasn’t a lightweight production. It had a stage, a camera, and lights along with a four judge panel of last year’s winner, last year’s runner-up, an on-air host, and a marketing director. More or less.

Each contestant had two minutes to do their sports’ take. Show up, sign up, and go.

I talked to one of last year’s participants earlier. He said he wasn’t going this year. Not all took that track.

The judging panel recognized a few of the guys from last year. They said they were better this year than last.

For two minutes each guy came up and took the mic.

Some jumped from topic to topic. Some started strong and got lost. Some didn’t last two minutes. All gave it their best shot, which is what you’d expect.

Two minutes isn’t long enough to get lost, or so you’d think. One minute is more than long enough.

A professional sports talk radio host weaves sponsors and station phone numbers for call in.

A few of the guys trying out did the same and sounded right.

The man who bought my beer got up and nailed it. Best of the bunch from my seat. Told him as much when he came back.

The only problem came when I tried leaving with my souvenir glass…and his. Thought they were both mine.

He knew better.

If he wins the 1080 The Fan Hunt For The Host we can expect a great show. And fair. He knows how to keep track of things.

I didn’t join in this time because my take was all over the place. Needs practice. I hit two minutes on the way home with this:

“Too often sports team owners get the wrong press. We forget how lucky we are in Blazer Land to have Paul Allen. He doesn’t get in the way of his hired help.

“Not long ago Allen had a general manager candidate fly to Finland and interview on his yacht. He lasted a year before leaving. Michael Jordan picked him up to run the Bobcats/Hornets.

“Since then hiring doesn’t include James Bond-style international intrigue.

“How good is Paul Allen? Compare the Dallas Mavs super fan/owner Mark Cuban. Or Oklahoma Thunder snake in the grass Clay Bennett. Even worse, Cleveland’s Dan Gilbert and his love letters to LeBron.

“What makes Paul Allen unique is he’s an NBA owner and NFL owner which adds another layer of potential weirdness when you join the party of Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones.

“You remember Mr. Jones’ photographs with the young ladies? In the bathroom? After much research they ladies were found to be strippers working the old man for a payout.

“Mr. Jones labeled the photos as a ‘misrepresentation.’ Is that what he told his wife? Just a little ol’ misrepresentation, honey. Me and two strippers in a bathroom. No big deal.

“Makes you wonder how he explained the recent images of him cuddling with New Jersey governor Chris Christie in the owner’s box during the win over the Detroit Lions.

“Which one is a bigger misrepresentation, a stripper listening to your belt buckle or Christie listening to your heart with his head on your chest?

“Don’t expect to see Paul Allen in anything related. He doesn’t make fans explain things that are unexplainable. Mr. Allen has his posse and they watch his back better than they do in Dallas.”

For that I roll out a big BoomerPDX THANK YOU.”

(drops mic.)